So a month by month update of my life should suffice for this blog, right? Ah well.
Last weekend was perfect. We had out rehearsal dinner Saturday night and it was like a teaser of things to come. We had all of these wonderful people in one place, practicing walking in and walking out and they all did it so beautifully. Afterward, we had dinner at Shadows on the Hudson, which is this amazing restaurant right on the Hudson River. The food was delicious and Mike's mom got these gorgeous centerpieces for each table. Mike and I each gave speeches, but mine was better because I stood on a chair and more people laughed (that is how I judge these things).
On Sunday we made our way back to Albany and relaxed before what we knew would be a hectic week. I napped and then got ready to see Florence + The Machine at SPAC. What? You don't know who Florence + The Machine are? Ok, check out this song right now! Then check out this one! And when you're properly in love, we'll chat. It was amazing, and it's up there as one of the best concerts I've ever been to.
As the wedding approaches (less than 8 days, but who's counting?), I've been thinking a lot about what's going to change once I get married. Now I know that things won't transform suddenly once we both say "I do", though I wouldn't mind birds and fireworks to magically appear out of nowhere. These changes will be gradual and far reaching.
When Mike first asked me to marry him, I spent a lot of time thinking about the things I'd be giving up once we got married. I know this doesn't sound very romantic, but hear me out. When I first met Mike two and a half years ago, I was in a point in my life where I didn't know if I believed in marriage. I went into dating him with the idea that what we were starting wouldn't last forever. I was too young, I felt, to be tied down to 1 person and I wanted to be free to come and go as I pleased.
In the beginning of our relationship, I spent a lot of time thinking, "Well, I'm happy now, but eventually we're going to get sick of each other." Then came the summer when my rent went up, and I just couldn't afford to live in a 1 bedroom apartment on my own anymore. Mike, most likely jokingly, offered to let me move in with him and his roommate. They had a third bedroom, and a third housemate with cut the rent down. It was a win/win. At this point, we had been dating for less than 5 months. I'm usually some one who takes my time easing into things and deliberating greatly before making big decisions. That being said, I moved in with Mike without putting too much thought into it.
Our lives melded together pretty easily. This was most likely eased by having Steve as a housemate and buffer. Still, I thought we were getting closer to that time when the other's habits would just get to be too much. Then we road tripped down to Florida. Mike quotes this as the time he knew we could make this thing last long term. We spent literally every waking minute together for 1 week, something I had never done before in my life. As an only child, I like my alone time. There was no alone time. And you know what? We didn't kill each other. Not even when we drove through tornado destroyed country and had to stay awake for 36 hours. We only actually fought once, and even that was due more to exhaustion than anything else.
Florida was definitely a turning point on our relationship, and I began to think that maybe this thing we had going on didn't have to end. Maybe we could keep it going for a while. Maybe even forever. We began talking about a future together and the things we'd do to support one another. We began to talk about *gasp* babies. What they'd look like and how we'd raise them. We even talked about marriage, but in my head that was like 5 years down the road. Then when Mike proposed, there was really only one answer.
Now that I've diverted enough, let me get back on point. Mike proposed, I said yes, then the doubts crept in. I was only 24 and what about all of those things I was going to do as a fiercely independent woman? What about all of the bad relationships I was going to have and the life changing moment when I would decide to leave everything behind and move to San Francisco? Was I giving up a life of untold wonder and adventure to settle down? Was I letting the feminist in me down by agreeing to be some one's wife?
You think I'm horrible. I felt horrible. Here I'd just had this amazing man ask me to marry him and I was hung up on the idea that I'd never get to do all of these things alone. And there was the word. Alone. It's not something I've ever been afraid of, because being alone has never been lonely for me. I've always been able to entertain myself and as I've gotten older, I've felt more comfortable about venturing out and doing things on my own. But there are drawbacks to doing things alone. You have to bring the groceries up from your car by yourself. You have to sit next to weird strangers at the movie theater because you have no person to buffer you. There's no one to take a picture of you next to the TARDIS at the Doctor Who exhibit.
And it soon became apparent. Agreeing to marry Mike isn't about the things I'm giving up. In any choice you make in life, you're giving things up. The things to focus on were the things I'm gaining. And just like that, the world tilted and my whole viewpoint was altered. Think of all the things I'm gaining by marrying Mike! Some one to laugh at my incredibly corny jokes. Some one to drive all the way to Half Moon with me to get breakfast on random Sunday mornings. Some one to reach those top shelves. Some one to hold me when I cry over something important, and not make too much fun when I cry over something stupid, like a commercial. Some one to have romantic nights out with and lazy days in with. Some one to power through 8 seasons of Supernatural with. Some one to fit every occasion and tell me I'm beautiful, even when I'm anything but. A personal cheering squad to keep me motivated through dark times. And some one I could can about and be all of these things to as well.
Next Friday I'm going to marry the man who has, in his own way, walked his way into my heart and settled down for the long haul. I'm not worried about the life I might be saying good-bye to. I'm excited about the life and adventure I'm going to be embarking on. I'm gaining a husband and friend for life. We're signing a contract on it and everything.
